


reckless and just a wreck

by glennsnash



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: 10x07, Angst, F/M, Rosita POV, Train of Thought, idk how to use ao3, im just trying to cope, it’s been one year since he died and i’m in pain, no beta we die like men, siddiq deserved better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glennsnash/pseuds/glennsnash
Summary: Rositas thoughts directly after the 10x07 incident in honor of the episode airing one year ago today.
Relationships: Rosita/Gabriel, Siddiq/Rosita mention
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	reckless and just a wreck

**Author's Note:**

> I am in emotional pain i literally wrote this while crying and i did not edit this at all lmfaoooo 😳 anyways i’m not much of a writer so pls don’t like leave me hate comments or something i’m just trying 2 cope :(  
> also i hope i don’t make it sound like i actually blame rosita or something, but this is written from her pov and i think she would probably feel a little guilty after his death.

Maybe Rosita shouldn’t have left him that day. Maybe she should have dragged him home, dried his hair off with a towel and begged, no, insisted that he just lay down and rest. It was a nice image, funny even, Siddiq letting her wrap up his hair and passing out on the bed.

It would never happen though, she can’t remember the last time she had even seen Siddiq rest, if she had seen him rest at all. He had never really been like that, he was always working. It could be better almost, if his habits had developed after certain... recent events. At least it would mean that one day he could recover, and one day he would be okay again. But after living like that for so long, It was probably extremely unlikely that Rosita would ever see him take a moment for himself.

Maybe that’s why things didn’t work out between them. She was reckless and he was just a wreck. Siddiq was damaged too, but not like Rosita. He had told her about the first and only time he had ever killed anyone.

“It was my friend.” He told her. “The dead, they closed in on him, tore him apart in front of me. I just couldn’t let it happen, you know? I just started killing em and I didn’t stop until they were gone. But... He was still there. He was in pain. I had to do it.”

When he asked her the same question, Rosita didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. She didn’t want to start naming all the people she killed because she knew once she started, she could never stop. Maybe she just didn’t want to rupture his imagine of the new world he had created since he got here, a world where you can survive without killing anyone and the worst punishment you get is a cut to the throat and a jail cell.

Maybe that’s why she chose Gabriel. Gabriel who left his friends to die, Gabriel who carried his own guilt too. She would never feel like a bad person around him, he knew how the world worked, he knew what they both had to do to survive. He was damaged and so was she.

So many maybes. Now, holding Coco and standing over the two still bodies on the floor, she rethought some of those maybes. Maybe, her maybes were just her indecision, her fear to act, her denial of her own feelings. Maybe, if Rosita hadn’t left him, maybe if Rosita told him the truth, maybe if Rosita had followed him after whatever revelation he had earlier that day, maybe she would be standing here talking to Siddiq instead of standing over his dead body.

Maybe.


End file.
